Hard-Pressed

Hard-pressed. The word that has not left my mind. Everyday I repeat to myself "Elaina be hard-pressed." I've been reading and I see hard-pressed in scripture. In bible study, the theme was being hard-pressed. And tonight, I was absolutely 100% hard-pressed.

We've been doing a Kid's Camp all week for kids in a really rough area not far from where we live in Teesside. The kids are almost all from broken homes and have gone through worse than most of us ever will. We started on Monday and finished up this evening. We've been playing games, doing skits, singing songs, and just loving on kids as much as we can. Many of them resist anything that has to do with "Jesus," refusing to sing and dance, and often bullying on the kids that do. Many of the kids have never heard of a Savior and don't understand why us crazy Americans are so willing to love them. As I am, in my selfish, foolish, untrusting ways, I find myself just yearning to get away and be surrounded by my Father in Heaven. In my head thinking God just take me away from it all, bring me to Your kingdom so that I can be surrounded with Your love and perfection and not have to face the hurt and hard and despair of this world. Come back Lord, we're ready for You. This IS my desire to depart and to just be with Christ. But it isn't all.

I had the pleasure of running around the park with Ellie, Crystal, and Helena. They are all under 10 and just love to run and lay in the grass and sing and do cartwheels and pick flowers. So we did for awhile, but then Crystal and Ellie had to go home for tea. Helena was still braiding my hair and when they left she instantly started weeping. She wrapped her arms around me and begged me to never leave her. I told her that I would have to leave soon that night but that I would be back next week and she said she wouldn't be back for some reason. This little girl has gone through so much hurt and so much loss. All she wants is someone to be consistent in her life that LOVES her. (It's funny I've noticed that in America when you say I love you to any kid they respond with I love you too! but here they look at you like you don't mean it and when they see that you do they just blush a little bit.) She loved being loved. Helena soon found out that she has a Father in Heaven that loves her 10 million times more than I could ever love her. She found out that her and I could play and run and sing and shout for eternity in Heaven!  She really liked that idea. As we were talking I was thinking, Lord, don't come back quite yet. I need to be here for You. I need to do what you've asked of me and plant these seeds in these kids' hearts, Lord I need more time. And this is when I know, that being hard-pressed for Christ is right where I need to be. Desiring to act out His will for me and to spend eternity with Him. Hard-pressed between knowing His love and acting solely on that.

This week was a struggle and I'd be lying if I said that they all came to believe in Jesus. But this town is different. A kid today said before we all got there he would come by the park and not see anyone around. As he was talking there were 50+ kids on the field, smiling and giggling and singing "I am not forgotten, God knows my name!" People were coming out of their houses to watch the kids play and see why they were all so joyful. God was so evident in their smiles. I will never forget their smiles. We laid the foundation for a whole ministry that is happening here due to some amazing people that have devoted time to this little town alone. I know that if we come back in 1 or 2 years, this place will not be what we walked into on Monday afternoon.

"For I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. Nevertheless to remain in the flesh is more needful for you. And being confident of this, I know that I shall remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy of faith." Philippians 1:23-25